I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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