Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Randomize
