What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Randomize
