Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
