Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
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