worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
