I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
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