Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
