what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
