omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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