road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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