we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
