You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
