I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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