I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
now i know why i became what i already was.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
