It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
