Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
