she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Randomize
