If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
