I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
