So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
