im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
I've blown a few things in my day
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize
