We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
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