i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Vodka?
Forever.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Randomize
