hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
