Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
