So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Randomize
