You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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