i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
