just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
