i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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