we have pet lesbian snakes
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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