I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
