Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
