I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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