I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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