I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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