If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
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