Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
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Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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