Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
