"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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