then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Randomize
