Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Randomize
