1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
