all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
