mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
