Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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