How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
