I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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