tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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