Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
