My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
