Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
