***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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