did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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