you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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