thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Drunk is not a location!
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
