Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Can Purell be used as lube?
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
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