I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Randomize
