Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
