do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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